As for us, our days are like grass. We flourish like flowers of the field. And the wind passes over, and they are gone, and are not seen again. – Psalm 103:15-16

There are times when everything seems to go wrong, and one disaster seems to beget another. We all have had these experiences. A bad week, even a bad year. And then there are times, as in Paul Coelho’s great work, The Alchemist, when it seems all the universe conspires to help you, and opportunity abounds to accomplish the most amazing things. Perhaps success is equal measures hard work and luck, but it seems the kindness of strangers can also go a long way to help you get what you want in life.

The power of a request for help asked simply, with hope, but without expectation, can make the difference of a smooth path in some of life’s journeys. Adding a Duchenne smile, can also aid in creating a connection with the person you’re asking for help. A Duchenne smile, named after the French physician Guillaume Duchenne, who studied the physiology of facial expressions in the nineteenth century, is one where the face contracts both voluntarily and involuntarily: the zygomatic major (raising the corners of the mouth) and the orbicularis oculi (raising the cheeks and producing crow’s feet around the eyes). For us, we simply notice this as the difference between a genuine and a fake smile. Showing your crow’s feet can be a good thing!

During the recent Blizzard of 2016, my daughter and I had plans to visit a dear friend in her new home in Texas. I counted us lucky to fly out just hours before the storm began. But no sooner had we touched down that I learned our return flight had been cancelled. We were able to rebook upon landing, and a kind agent did her best to place us on the next available flight sitting together.

We had a lovely long weekend sight-seeing together. It was wonderful and heart-warming to spend time with my friend and her new husband. They were so kind to open their home to us for the extra days. I loved seeing my daughter’s joy in all the fun things we did: the zoo, the park, the train ride, eating treats, and digging for dinosaur bones at the science center. It was wonderful too, to spend several whole days with her, a rarity to not divide my time between competing priorities of home and work, and the rest of my family.

But, with the storm being perhaps more than anticipated, we learned that our new flight too was cancelled as we arrived at the airport several days later. Again, kind agents helped us make several other connections to different cities to get closer to home. When we couldn’t switch seats, a kind stranger held an air sickness bag for my daughter. On a second flight, another kind gentleman offered to take my middle seat, so I could sit with my four year old daughter on the flight. So I bought him a Bloody Mary.

Sometimes I wonder how kind and calm seem to go together. It is that some people are naturally calm, and that calm more easily enables them to be kind? Or it is that kindhearted people are calm because their priorities include the welfare of others rather than greed or busy importance?

I recall another travel experience, where after a long day of work, meetings and flying, I arrived at my hotel to find the check in computers were down, and were expected to be out of operation for the next 15-20 minutes. This was certainly inconvenient; I was expecting my second child, and was tired and hungry and anxious to settle into my room. A man behind me, upon hearing this news, began berating the poor hotel employee, yelling and cursing how unacceptable it was.

In some ways I felt for him, I’ve been there. It’s easy to let frustrating situations get the best of you. I’ve many times been guilty of emotional, childish outbursts. I’ve gotten myself all in a stew over inconsequential things, and allowed busyness and stress to make me unkind and oblivious to my actions.

But, in this, I found myself wondering, why let the situation have such power over him? He was so angry it would likely take hours to calm down. Listening to him, I certainly felt my own blood pressure rise. It was uncomfortable for all involved. I could envision him calling his wife, complaining how irate he was, when instead he could have finished some emails, ordered room service and watched a movie, or gone for a swim in the hotel pool. He didn’t need to let it ruin his day.

But, I also don’t know what had happened to him earlier that day. Maybe he lost an important work client, or a delayed flight made him miss a meeting, or he and his spouse were in a disagreement, or he had a child sick with cancer. You never know the unspoken fears and struggles of another person.

I try to remember this when faced with a difficult person or situation. Wendy Mass so eloquently reminds us, be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. We are all touched by hardship at times in our lives. The only thing we can control is how we respond to situations. I choose not to let the tailgater factor into my day, or a work delay that causes me to rework a project schedule for the third time be meaningful. It is but a bump in the road; I try not to let it have power over me. Our days are fragile like grass. In but a short season we flourish, and then we die.

I want to try to choose to spend my time in wide open wonderment at the possibilities that could be. I want to look for opportunities I perhaps didn’t see coming, and try to spend that extra moment or two to connect with someone, rather than always rushing head-down to the next thing. I want to try to share my joy. A few exchanged words, a Duchenne smile, these are the things that connect people. These short moments have the power to brighten another’s day and lift your own as well. Kindness is truly catching.